Sex therapy is a specialized form of mental health therapy focused on sexual health, intimacy, and the complex emotional, psychological, and relational issues that impact them.  Aloha Spirit Therapy, my practice based out of San Diego CA, is a space where questions, concerns, and desires around sex and intimacy can be explored openly and without shame.

Unfortunately, these conversations are often missing in traditional therapy. A survey by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) found that clients frequently report their therapists “never” or “rarely” ask about sex, even when it’s clearly relevant to the issues they are bringing into therapy.

This isn’t surprising given that, according to a 2013 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, nearly 80% of mental health professionals reported receiving little to no training in sexual health during their graduate education.

I witnessed this disconnect firsthand during my Master’s training in Marriage and Family Therapy in 2016. I was being prepared to support clients with relational and emotional challenges, however, when it came to addressing sex and gender, the training was noticeably lacking.

My undergraduate studies at the University of Hawaiʻi, where I majored in Psychology and minored in Gender Studies, shaped the lens through which I understand human experience. That foundation helped me recognize when and where conversations about sexuality and gender were missing. I found that they were often overlooked, despite being vital to how people relate, connect, and experience themselves in the world. So often, it is within the layers of sex, gender, and identity that deeper questions or unresolved struggles quietly live.

When these dimensions were barely acknowledged in my graduate training, I felt concerned. We were being prepared to work with relational and emotional challenges, yet not equipped to talk about sex, gender, or identity within those dynamics. How could we truly support individuals and couples in their most intimate struggles without making space for this essential part of the picture?

That question led me to pursue advanced education in sex therapy. I completed a certification program in San Francisco, where I deepened my clinical knowledge and expanded my ability to work with sexual health and intimacy in a compassionate, evidence-based way.

Currently, I am continuing that learning through a PhD program in Clinical Sexology. I am motivated by the belief that every client deserves care that is not only affirming but also informed and attuned to the complexities of sexuality, gender, and human connection.

More Than Just Sex

Clients often ask, “Is it possible to explore other parts of my life too, not just sex?” The answer is always yes.

While sex may be the doorway that brings someone into sex therapy, it almost always acts as a doorway to other parts of life. Together, we may find that what is impacting your sexual experience is actually rooted in overworking, stress, parenting demands, family-of-origin dynamics, self-esteem issues, unprocessed trauma, or a myriad of other factors that shape how we connect to ourselves and others.

Sometimes, we start with a focus on sexual concerns and then realize we need to zoom out. We might spend time tending to other parts of your life that need attention and support before diving more fully into sex therapy work. That is not a detour. That is part of the work.

Who Can Benefit from Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is for anyone, both  individuals or couples,  who want to feel more connected, more confident, and more at ease in their sexual lives and relationships.

Here are just some of the reasons people seek support:

• Guilt and shame around sex
  
• Challenges communicating openly with a partner about wants, needs, and desires
  
• Concerns around sex and gender identities
  
• Interest in expanding relationships to include different structures
  
• Pain or discomfort during sex
  
• Low libido or desire discrepancy
  
• Changes in sex throughout life stages
  
• Challenges in intimacy due to trauma
  
• Erectile or ejaculation difficulties
  
• Judgment or shame around kinks, fetishes, and desires
  
• Seeking pre-marital or long-term relationship counseling
  

This space often appeals to individuals who want to be seen and understood without stigma. With a background in Gender Studies and specialized training in sex therapy, my approach is grounded in a deep awareness of how identity, sexuality, and power dynamics shape our inner and relational lives.

LGBTQIA+ folks, those in nontraditional relationships, people exploring kink, and individuals with experience in sex work are all welcomed with care and respect. You do not have to explain yourself here.

Therapy That Goes Deeper

At Aloha Spirit Therapy, healing is more than talk. While sharing your story matters, true transformation also happens through the body, the nervous system, sensation, and emotion. By integrating both Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR (both evidence-based approaches) deeper layers of your experience are accessed and cared for.  

Every session is shaped by your needs, your pace, and your comfort. This is a collaborative process that honors your inner wisdom and welcomes the full complexity of your experience. We go inward and slow down where needed. When something feels too activating or overwhelming, we don’t push through.  We pause. We ground.  We listen.

This bottom-up, embodied approach helps you reconnect with yourself, because meaningful connection with others begins within. Grounding and nervous system regulation techniques support you in staying present. We create clear agreements about how to move into sensitive territory, and how to care for your system when it needs space, time, or extra gentleness. Protective parts are never overridden.  Instead, they are honored and invited to participate at a pace that feels safe and sustainable.

This is deep work, but it doesn’t have to feel heavy. Sessions often hold tenderness, insight, and even a little laughter.  Healing can feel grounding, and even joyful. 

Why It Matters

Sexual health is deeply connected to emotional well-being, identity, and the way we move through the world. When our experiences around sex are shaped by shame, confusion, or silence, it does not just stay in the bedroom,  it often shows up in how we relate to ourselves and others.

That is why this work matters.

At Aloha Spirit Therapy, sex therapy is not just about improving your sex life (though it can). It is about helping you feel more empowered in your choices, more grounded in your body, more confident in your voice, and more connected in your relationships.

Healing here has a ripple effect.

When you feel safe to explore your desires, understand your boundaries, and release what no longer serves you, you begin to show up differently in intimate life, yes, but also in your parenting, your partnerships, your creativity, your work, and so on.

At its heart, this is about returning to yourself.
Coming home to your body, your desires, and your right to feel fully alive.